I must be too annoying 4 u.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
