You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
