these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
