We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
