Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
