If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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