That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
