dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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