My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
