Me. At least after what I've been through.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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