road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
