Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
