allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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