i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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