my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
