Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
