i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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