like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
