Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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