we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
