He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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