I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
