We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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