party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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