sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
