I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I intend to get homeless drunk
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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