My brain says no but my pants say off.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
