and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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