rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
