Umm I'm too high to move.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
