Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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