So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
