I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
