Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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