So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
These tits shall not be calmed
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
