people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
