So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
