I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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