you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize