It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
