woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I want her autograph on my taint
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
