She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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