I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
