I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
