his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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