I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
