I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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