We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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