Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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