I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My dad is sitting where you rode me
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
