if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
