im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
