It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Randomize