when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
