After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
