splinters make it hard to masturbate
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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