i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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