I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
