Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Drake has all the answers
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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