i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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