epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
