What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
