I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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