Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
