did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
