well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
