you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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