he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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