And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize