Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hippo gnu deer
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
