i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
